Coming Through to the Other Side – Part II
Coming through to the Other Side – Part II of my personal story
So here we are in the story. (Click Here for Part I). I’m caught in a blob that seems sticky, gooey, and impossible to find a way out of. I’ve accepted the blob and think it might just be how I will live the rest of my life. Maybe life just stinks and I’m stuck here! I’m trying everything I know, including giving up. NOTHING is working!
Ever feel this way?
On a whim, I met a friend for an evening talk with Eli Jaxton-Bear. Always up for a little spiritual juice that you get at these kinds of events. I figured it would be an enjoyable evening. I mean if you’re biding your time, you might as well choose the best of the possible experiences. Surprisingly, I ended up sitting with Eli one-on-one. I hadn’t planned to do this. I usually am not drawn to the front of the room. But he said something to another participant that caught my attention, and I wanted to hear more:
You can’t have your spiritual awakening if you are living someone else’s life.
I raised my hand. He called on me. I walked to the front of the room. I sat down. I looked around and felt the love of the people in the room. And my mind went blank. I just started laughing. I couldn’t remember my questions.
Instead Eli asked me a question: “What is it like when you stop?” I noticed for a moment and said, “It’s like nothing and everything”. It was. It was like nothing changed; yet everything changed. Like nothing was here, yet everything was here.
I know, I know, you’ve already heard this story a thousand times (or maybe you haven’t).
Believe it or not, this experience of nothing and everything is still not the joy of Presence that I am suggesting is possible.
Well, it kind of is. Let me continue. I was so struck with the experience that I decided to attend the rest of the weekend with Eli. Over the weekend, I felt my anger. I experienced and publicly voiced my anger with everything, wishing I had never been born, angry with God, angry at the trees. I left the weekend feeling this anger and despair.
Over the next week, I realized how much I had been trying to avoid my feelings of anger. I realized that I had been trying to make things better as I bided my time to get back to my joyful soul and leave this terrible planet (die).
Well, now what?
I stopped trying to make it better. I was just in the despair. Occasionally, I would notice what it is like to experience a leaf while feeling despair. Oddly, the colors seemed brighter. I realized life just is. Suffering does exist, and my stories and striving to escape suffering were keeping me from the experience of the present moment.
Do I forget often? Yes! However, every now and then I remember that life is simply an experience to live rather than a job that I must finish well. And, when I remember, when I have my experience of the present moment, I feel a deep joy. Even when I feel anger, despair, disappointment, sadness, irritation, fear, anxiousness, if I feel these in the present moment then I still feel a deep joy of connection. And the deep joy of connection in the present moment is the Presence that I am suggesting is possible for all people. It is seeing that Life is.
October 7th, 2009 in
Depression,
Developing Loving Presence,
Mindfulness,
The Beginning,
Trusting What Occurs,
Unity,
anger,
compassionate witness,
in our everyday life | tags:
beingness,
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[...] read my personal way out, see Part II of Coming through to the Other Side. September 30th, 2009 in Mindfulness, The Beginning, Trusting What Occurs, in our everyday life | [...]